Teen Idle
by Geminigypsy521
Summary: Between the flames of first love and the brewing of a war, this story will follow the path of a normal teenage witch. One who hasn't yet figured out exactly who she wants to be, but knows what she's willing to fight for. Sirius/OC Marauders Era!
1. Last, First Train Rides

_Okay, so I've had this story in my drafts for a while and recently got on a Harry Potter kick(when am I not on a Harry Potter kick, though?) and finally decided to revise it and post it. I will never not be completely enthralled with the Marauders Era and Sirius Black so I hope you all have as good of a time reading this as I know I'm going to have writing it!_

-You can howl, you can wail, you can scream, you can flail.

You know that feeling when you're really trying to focus on something, someone, but you just can't bring yourself to? You can't help that their voice has become a low hum in your ears as you drift further and further away into your own head?

Well I'm currently struggling through that exact dilemma.

Sat with my friends in a compartment on the Hogwarts Express, I can't help but stare blankly out of the large window, the outside surroundings blurring; the greenery and the skyline becoming one. My mind's anything but blank though; the vivid experience on the platform from about an hour ago is on replay.

The energy of Platform 9 and ¾ had been loud and sparking with the excitement of the new school year as usual; students reuniting with friends they hadn't seen over the summer, the chatter of new teachers, the fight for the best spots on the train. First years and seventh years alike, all crowded together on the stone walk way.

But that was only on the surface.

The underlying tone of darkness was almost palpable if you took the time to look for it. Parents held their children too close; aurors dressed "inconspicuously" keeping an eagle eye on everything. It had left me with a nasty feeling liken to stones in my stomach, and I'd clutch tighter to the poufy gray cat in my arms in an attempt for any kind of comfort.

My Aunt Jem had hovered for much longer then she had in past years. She had tried to fake nonchalance, tried to keep a sunny disposition, but her amber eyes betrayed the apprehension she couldn't conceal.

It's only when Ser and Alyssa, my little sisters, finally broke away, giving their hugs goodbye and fighting our aunts smothering and lectures about 'no cutting classes' and 'staying out of trouble' that the older, golden haired woman's false pretenses had dissipated a bit. When it was only her and I left together, she seemed to harden and soften all at once.

"Aunt Jem? It's going to be okay" I had told her in a teasing tone, more for my own reassurance I think. "I'll write every week" she had given me a skeptical look "I promise. And we'll be back for Christmas break"

"I know, I know. I just don't know what I'm going to do with myself while you all aren't home. I haven't been away from you all since…well I'm just going to miss you is all. It's going to be so quiet" She had choked a bit during the middle of the sentence, not wanting to bring up what neither of us wanted to think about at the moment.

We were both definitely thinking about it though.

"Okay, I'm sure Jackie will make sure you don't get a moment of peace" I'm in a constant attempt to break up the tension, and thinking of my eight year old little cousin and her new obsession with levitating made me feel better. Or it should have.

My Aunt Jem had snorted and said something about her child being a 'bloody handful' and how she 'didn't know what she was going to do with that girl'

"Plus with us gone you can focus on more important things…like crocheting" That had earned me a playful slap on the shoulder. Her hand had stayed there though, and her face saddened a bit.

"I want you to try and enjoy this year, okay? You're seventh year is going to fly by; I swear it still feels like yesterday that I graduated. It's crazy how much you'll miss the castle when you're not going every year" She had sounded wistful, like she was reliving some memory in her head "I...I know your mom's with us today, she would have been so excited to see you off"

That had panged in my chest, the dull ache that I had become all too familiar with over the last few weeks of the summer.

"I think she would have just been happy I made it to seventh year" I can't help but joke. I'd rather joke then wallow, any day.

"Back in third year when you blew up the bathrooms we all had our doubts" She had only sounded half teasing and I let out a theatrical gasp and glare. That had been an accident! "Make sure you take your potions okay" that comes out in a lower tone and it had made me uncomfortable, made me take a cautious look around to make sure no one had overheard her.

I had just nodded, and attempted to brush it off. She knew I hated talking about that.

"I love you so much" Aunt Jem's voice had been raw with emotion, a lot like it had been when she'd seen me off my first year. The way she's looking at me is the same too. Like I'm eleven years old again.

"Awe, please don't cry. I love you too" I had hugged her tightly, earning myself a face full of flaxen hair.

She'd squeezed me so hard it almost hurt, the tightness of the embrace had made my eyes prick with tears that I refused to let fall, but that had nothing to do with pain. At least not the physical kind, anyway.

Ziggy, my cat, protested being squished between us with a loud, slightly strangled mewl.

"I'll see you in three months, it will be fine" I muttered.

"Owl me when you get to the castle, okay?"

"Okay"

"And keep an eye on your sisters?"

"I promise"

"And don't get into any trouble?"

"I'll do my very best"

When we had pulled away, she held my face between her two hands and I laughed and tried to resist a bit but she was stayed firm.

"I'm so proud of you, you've been such a big help over the last few months, you've grown up so fast" She'd spoken, her eyes scanning over my face. "It's not been fair, but you've handled it, and I just want you to know how proud I am, kay?"

It had felt weird; I never did know how to take heaps of affection or praise, even though if I was honest I loved both. So I just nodded with a smile.

"Alright no more soppy stuff" She pats my cheek and lets me go. "Your friends are waiting"

"You'll keep me updated right? Tell me what's going on?" I had sounded a little desperate, even to my own ears and even though she agrees hesitantly I don't believe that she would tell me what was going on in the world outside of Hogwarts. I'd have to ask someone else…

"I will. Now go on" She urged, but again, her light eyes said anything but.

It had been harder to leave her this year than any year before, even my first year when I was eleven and scared and friendless.

Something about the look she'd given me as I left her in the crowds, had seared it's self into my mind.

I couldn't stop thinking about that look.

"Kayleigh? Hello?" the call of my name snaps me back to my current surroundings and I turn away from the window, from thoughts of my aunt, and bring my attention to three pairs of questioning eyes.

"Sorry, I'm all zoned, what's wrong?" I explain, shrugging off their loaded looks and readjusting my body on the cushioned bench so that I'm facing them more in an attempt to really make myself focus.

I had to start living…in the moment.

"That manticore hash you smoked earlier really got you, huh?" Cassia laughs it off and I chuckle at the raven haired girl seated across from me.

"We were just talking about how much of a rude hag Laurel is" Arline goes back to her conversation and I make a questioning face at her "Like, we've sat together every year since first year and now she has some loser Hufflepuff boyfriend and she can't be bothered? I see how it is"

I had been a bit salty about it too, but had shrugged it off. We couldn't force her to sit with us, and her persistent apologies as she was dragged away by her new boyfriend had cushioned the blow.

"Oh my griffa, don't be so dramatic" Mery rolls her eyes at our curly haired friend as she snaps another photo with her new camera she'd gotten in Diagon Alley. I blow kissy faces towards the lens.

Arline? Not be dramatic? How?

"I mean yeah, she sucks for not sitting with us, but can you blame her? Wyatt's fit as a motherfucker" I reply as though it's obvious.

She rolls her eyes but lets the subject drop.

Especially with what Cassia brings up.

"Another attack, this time right outside of London, this is getting fucking ridiculous. Why isn't the ministry doing anything?" Cassia has a copy of the daily prophet spread wide, covering her face as she holds it up to read.

I shake my head "That's the thing, they're trying. My uncle says they have crazy amounts of aurors on it and they can't get it under control" I explain, recalling a conversation I'd had about a month ago with my Uncle Christian who worked in the Ministry, in the Department of Magical Accidents and Catasthopies or D-MAC as he called it. _'Theses fuckers are starting to think their untouchable'_

I also recall hearing the word 'Genocide' over and over.

"It's a bunch of pure-blood mania freaks who think they can make the world a better place by starting fires? What kind of fucked up shit is that?" Arline leans over to beside her to look at the paper with Cass.

"Let's just hope they stick to pyromania" Mery takes the words right out of my mouth, as she shakes the polaroid photo absent mindedly, looking down at her hands with an expression I hated to see on her pretty face.

Because this feels like…the beginning of something. I stare at her feeling prickles of sadness and anger and unbelievable disgust that she was even having to think about this.

It's not like her worrying was unprecedented. She was muggle born, and this gang; these death eaters as they called themselves had made their distaste for muggle borns more than clear.

"It won't get that far. It can't right? It's a couple dozen people against the entire Ministry" Arline's voice is unbelieving and dismissive and I bite my lips, thinking about telling them the entirety of the conversation I'd had with my Uncle Christian….

I decide against it. Not sure I even want to talk about this anymore.

"Right. They're just going to earn themselves Azkaban sentences and good riddance" Cassia flips the page in the paper, instantly changing the conversation from wizarding terrorists to 'Signs of Each Sign; How to Know if He's Interested in you or Not'

"Ugh, I hate these. Whatever idiot wrote this trash has clearly never made their chart" My face contorts as Cassie begins to read the article.

"You just hate them because they expose how psychotic you Gemini's are" Mery ribs, her fuchsia hair shaking as she laughs. I very much like that color on her, I think to myself. Her hair had never taken on that particular shade before.

"Hey, I take offence to that" Cassia chirps before she takes a large bite of a cauldron cake, reminding her there was more than one Gemini in the compartment.

"I'm Gemini _sun._ Not that they'd know anything about planetary aspects, because if they did they'd be writing about Venus signs. Fucking idiots" I'd always been very into astrology, I'd gotten O's in both Astronomy and Divination a couple years back on my O.W.L's

The train rides faster than the years before or at least it seems like it, and it feels like it's only been minutes before we're approaching the castle.

"This is so sad, you guys, this is like our last train ride to school ever" I sigh, melancholic as I shrug into my robes, flicking my long hair out of the hood.

"It's not like it'll be the last time we're riding in it though, we'll be on it again during Christmas" Cassia reassures.

"But still" I cry, glaring when she laughs at me.

"Remember when we had to share that compartment with Robbie Cabbot in third year? Most awkward train ride of my life" Arline reminisces, her brown curls bobbing, her tone laced with disgust.

"Ew" I dramatically gag "He kept blowing snot bubbles in his sleep. And staring at Cass' tits" I add with a grimacing laugh as I pick at the remnants of the lemon tart I'd gotten from the trolley.

"I didn't even have tits back then, you guys are bitches"

This is what I'd remember, I think to myself pursing my lips to hide a smile. My stupid best friends, being stupid, during the last, first train ride to school.

 _So I'm thinking about doing a small playlist at the end of every chapter. Would that be interesting and helpful in setting the tone or super tacky? I can't tell so you guys give me your opinions._

 _Lorn- Acid Rain/ TOP- Stressed Out/ Ziggy Stardust- David Bowie_


	2. What the Fuck are Thestrials?

The ride to the castle this year is different, but I had been anticipating it. Ever since that faithful day in July.

Thestrials were even odder creatures in person, which is almost impossible because how could they get any weirder then they were in the books I'd read? I spend the entirety of the carriage ride in a slight silent turmoil, because we were shoved in with a few others from our house, with my eyes bulging out of my head as I stare at the skeletal, winged and currently invisible to everyone but me creatures that pulled us in the direction of the school.

Merlin, I wonder what my sisters are thinking about this? Are they scared? I make a mental note to talk to each of them as soon as possible.

While I'm internally screaming, everyone else in the carriage is chattering happily, obliviously.

And I miss the bliss of obliviousness desperately.

Stepping into Hogwarts brings with it that familiar tingling warmth, it feels a lot like when you take a large drink of hot tea and it trickles down your chest and into your stomach, leaving a trail of heat all down the front of you. I revel in it happily. Ziggy squirms in my arms and I let him down hop down, watching him scurry off, his fluffy tail swaying sassily. It looks like he had missed Hogwarts as well.

I'm sandwiched in between Laurel and Arline when Headmaster Dumbledore steps onto the podium and begins the beginning of the year speeches.

"The very best of evenings to you all, to our new students, welcome. And to our old students, welcome back! Another year full of magical education awaits you-"

There's the sorting ceremony; which is honestly quicker than I thought it would be because there's a bucket load of first years this year. Only ten of them end up being sorted into our house, but the entirety of the Ravenclaw table cheer loudly for each.

The warning of "If you do not want to die a painful death, then don't aggravate the Whomping Willow, for it is in its adolescent stage and is especially irritable.'

Dumbledore then introduces the new professors for the year; a young, round witch who looks maybe in her early thirties will be taking over Herbology, and an angular, older wizard who would be the new Defense instructor.

"Professor Pomona Sprout will be taking over for Professor Beery whom we can only hope will recover from his unfortunate run in with black toe fungus" gasps of shock and such echo around the room, because poor old Professor Beery's toes will never be normal again.

"He probably got too high and mistook it for a fucking daisy shrub" Laurel whispers to me and I bite my lips together in an attempt not to bust out laughing. In all the years I took Herbology, I don't think I had ever seen Professor Beery sober, his eyes had always been glassy and red and he'd always been giggling at nothing as he tended his plants.

"And Professor Tankian, who will be our new Defense Against the Dark Arts. May we wish him luck and longevity; I think we might just be seeing this one next year" cheeky, that not so subtle nod to the DADA "curse".

The atmosphere changes, drastically, in the snap of a finger, with only a few words.

"In light of recent events I would like to point out how important simple acts of kindness can be. We are all on the same boat in a stormy sea, and we owe each other a terrible loyalty, with that being said, enjoy your dinner" Dumbledore ends the speech, that had sparked the air at the end with a reassuring smile as the tables begin to fill with food.

I pile my plate with large helpings of mashed potatoes and gravy, roast chicken and steamed vegetables glistening with butter, and rolls with multi grains and seeds.

"That was weird, huh? I really didn't think Dumbledore was going to bring it up" Cassia observes as she reaches to serve herself a hefty scoop of steak and kidney pie.

"Actually, I was expecting it. No way he didn't at least mention it" Erna Ludmire, a girl in our year, starts "Especially not with all the pureblood Slytherins who think it's all some kind of joke" the girl adds, quieter though and I shoot the table a quick glance.

She had always been smart as all hell. It was no wonder she was Head Girl this year.

"You've got a point, I'm sure there's a few kids over there whose parents are totally in on it" I respond, silently listing them in my head.

"Most definitely. You can't tell me the Malfoy's and Blacks aren't all over those hate crimes. I'm sure they've denied it, and been cleared of it, though, since they've got half the Ministry in their bankroll" I'd always liked Erna. She was all blond and head of the class, and yet her bluntness wasn't rude or haughty. Just informational.

"Yeah well what they should be investing their money into is new broom sticks, because they're going to get their asses handed to them this season" Cassia boasts, she'd been going on and on about how we were definitely going to win the House Cup this year since back on the platform.

I try to be supportive, I really do but she can get a bit obsessive about quidditch. And I didn't, had never, known shit about the sport.

"It's not them I'm worried about. Potter, Black, McKinnon and Cattermole are all first strings this year. That's a potent bunch" Erna frets and the conversation about quidditch that ensues between the two seems never ending.

I scan the Gryffindor table, looking again for a head of floppy dark hair and a goofy looking smile that belonged to one of my best friends that I had yet track down yet, but my eyes settle instead on the "threats" to Ravenclaws House Cup victory.

The Marauders, as they so liked to call themselves (I myself could only laugh at the sheer arrogance that they had for making up a nickname for themselves and whole heartedly sticking by it. Who did they think they were, the Beatles?) Were sat in a cluster as usual. James and Sirius stuck close together, again as usual. And all of them laughing at something _as usual_.

James did kind of look like he had bulked up over the holiday; his shoulders that were shaking with laughter were maybe a little broader?

"Take a picture why don't you?" Mery pokes and I roll my eyes. I'd never really been a part of their fan club. Don't get me wrong, I could appreciate that they were fitties, and they threw great parties, but I honestly thought their whole popular boy band image (I mean "Marauders", _come on_ ) was more comical then anything.

"I'm not the one with a camera, why don't you take one for me?" I quip back, earning an eye roll.

I swear Cassia and Erna are still going on about blood quidditch when pudding is served. I roll my eyes so hard I swear I can see the back of my fucking skull as I suck on a spoonful of pumpkin cheesecake while the two debate on some flying tactic.

I'm relieved as fuck when Erna has to go fulfill her Head Girl duties and help out the first years and I get a moment of quidditch free silence as we make our way up to the tower. The staircases had always given me crazy bouts of anxiety, I remember second year some guy had fallen off and broken nearly all the bones in his body. The thought of it still made me shiver a bit and I keep a hand on the railing.

"You're stupid, we're literally in the middle of the case, you couldn't fall if you tried" Laurel points out and shoot her a sarcastic smile.

"I don't know, being Kayleigh she just might find a way" Arline adds with a chortle.

"Fuck off, bitches-"

"Pavenstone" the sound of my name sends my head turning and I smile widely at the cause of it. On a staircase just across from the one were on stands a lanky boy with a grin too big for his face and bright almond shaped dark eyes.

"Nice language" He comments.

"Zeke!" I chirp happily "Where were you, loser? I've been looking for you since I got off the train" I accuse and he just laughs light and good naturedly, his body leaned against the railing relaxed.

"I missed you too, sunshine. And I'm sorry, I had to go help Johnny find his wand, the git lost it on the carriages" I don't even care anymore, seeing him made the irritation I'd felt for him being completely MIA dissipate. He greets my friends who surround me and they all reply in turn.

Zeke had been my best friend, my closest confidant since we were eleven. He was the first person I'd talked to on the train, and he'd been my platonic life partner ever since.

"Of course I missed you. Have you gotten your schedule yet?"

"Yeah, here" He digs in his pocket and reaches across the distance with a long arm to hand it to me. I read over it and frown.

"We only have Defense and Divination together" I whine as we meet at the break of the stairway, on solid ground, near the painting of Aphrodite. He slings an arm over me and squeezes as I squeeze him with both of mine.

Merlin, he's always been so gangly.

"Well at least we have any classes together" That's Zeke, he could look on the bright side of just about anything "I was hoping we'd have Divination together. Or else I would have for sure failed"

"You just need to clear you aura, and you'll be fine" I grinned and he snorts something about not even knowing where to start as another set of stairs settles in front of us and we climb on.

"Tell me about it, I would have defiantly flunked out of third year tea reading if it wasn't for her" Cassia claims as she turns to face us.

"You'd all be fucked without me, I know" I'm boasting when three others climb onto the cramped staircase with us.

"Maccabee, my man!"

Zeke's arm drops from around my shoulders as he turns to greet Sirius Black with a little hand shake blithely, quickly doing the same Peter and then Remus. I knew he was friends with all of them; they were all in the same house.

Where was the fourth member?

"How was your summer, man? It's good to see you" Zeke begins talking with his housemates and I shoot them all looks.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little flustered. Sirius Blacks' hair that had just been a little over grown last year now flowed just above his shoulders and seemed to only enhance his angular features. Fucking Grippa. He really was gorgeous, but that smirk that seemed to be ever etched onto his face was a big red stop sign that kept my mind from wandering any further. Or at least I knew it should.

"Boring really. I spent most of it at James', I'm happy to be back" Sirius starts and then I meet his eyes and I give him a what I hope looks like bored and maybe friendly and not ogling look.

"Hello, ladies. How was your summer?" He addresses me and my friends with that Black charm. His gray eyes easy and his voice gruff and sing song all at the same time.

His gaze doesn't leave mine, and yet he's seeming to spread his attentions to Arline, Mery, Cass and Laurel too.

I don't know why it annoys me as much as it does. It shouldn't. In the seven years I'd been at Hogwarts I'd spent the bare minimum of time with the guy. We knew of each other, had been forced together because of mutual friends and classes more than a few times, but that's about it. He was acquaintance, a friend of a friend at most.

How was my summer? I'd gotten that question a lot today and every time my answer was "fine". Because really, who wanted me to answer "My mom died. My life got turned inside out. I don't know who the fuck I am anymore and hey, there's been dozens of attacks against muggles but let's pretend everythings all good and compare school schedules."

No one, that's who.

"Mmm, it was fine I guess. Uneventful. Hi Remus" I answer easily, almost mechanically, waving a little at the tall sandy haired guy behind him in an attempt to keep my eyes away from Sirius'. Like he really needed the attention anyway.

"Where's James?" Cassia inquires innocently, but really I know she's just dying to grill him on quidditch bullshit.

"Yeah, aren't you all usually attached at the hip?" It's not sharp, or at least I didn't mean it to be.

"James' Head Boy this year, he's off showing the first years how not to end up in the dungeons" Peter's obviously proud of his friend; it shows as the blond raves about him.

James fucking Potter had made Head Boy? What kind of parallel universe were we living in where James, who had spent most of his school career either in detention or bullying Snape within an inch of his life, could become head of his house?

"Good for him, Isn't Evans Head Girl?" Zeke implores and Sirius' only conformation is an garish grin and a wiggle of dark eyebrows.

I shoot my girlfriends silent looks and we all seem to be thinking the same unspoken thing.

"Shut the fuck up, no way" Laurel denies, unable to keep her mouth shut.

"He's actually a really decent student" Remus defends at the same time Sirius says "Trust me, no one's as surprised as us, love"

"Yeah, Okay" Arline's skepticism is pretty much palpable as the stair way reaches our stop and the five of us prepare to leave in order to get to Ravenclaw tower. My friends pile off before me, waving "goodbyes" behind them

"See you tomorrow. Love ya, sir" I give Zeke a small hug and shoot the rest of them fast goodnights, hurrying to not get stuck on the stairs.

I don't look back to see if Sirius said goodnight back or not. Not that I cared.

We're all collected in the same dorm we'd shared since third year a few hours later, after unpacking a bit and changing out of our robes and into pajamas.

Arline's sitting Indian style on her bed, half focused on an issue of 'Witch Weekly', half holding a conversation with Laurel. Her wild, dark curls are piled into a bun ontop of her head and her round elvish feautures are sparkling as she gossips idly.

Laurel is perched knees up on the window bench, her usual resting bitch face in full force. Flaxen bangs cover her long eyelashes as she dishes on who's on our floor and how it's bullshit that she has double potions this year. Mery, who's lounged out beside her is tinkering with her camera, her small nose all scrunched up with her glasses slipping off the end as she focuses on the little machine.

Cassia walks out of the bathroom complaining about the amount of food she had eaten at diner with a cry as she holds her unusually flat stomach. Too flat, considering I'd watched the girl eat her body weight in chocolate frogs before. She was beyond blessed with the metabolism of a Cornish pixi.

I had pretty friends, I'd been told before. I was pretty myself, I'd also been told.

Pretty for a big girl, pretty enough to had been dating one of the fittest blokes on the Ravenclaw quidditch team last year. I mean yeah, he'd broken up with me. But that had been more my own fault, and I'd been more relieved about it then upset.

Pretty enough to have had Sirius Black staring at me, apparently.

"Is it just me or was Sirius checking you out, earlier" Laurel declares, giving me a pointed look to which I just roll my eyes and lean back against my headboard. Ziggy, who had been waiting for me on my bed when we'd first gotten into the dorm, is sprawled across my stomach, and he purrs loudly as I scratch in between his ears.

"Black checks out everything that walks, so I wouldn't be surprised" Cassia dismisses and I can't help the thought of 'what? Am I not especially pretty for him to be looking at?' but it's stupid, it really is, so I don't say anything.

"Whatever you guys, he was looking at all of you too. That's just who he is" I reason, not upset, just pointing out facts. "What in the fuck was Dumbledore thinking when he decided to appoint James as Head Boy though? Honestly, all of my faith in the educational system is gone"

"This world really is going to shit" Mery concludes seriously, tone grave as she looks up from her camera and the burst of laughter it earns from all of us can probably be heard ringing around the tower.


	3. Hello There, Partner

Trudging up the staircase, towards the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom, I realize just how tired I am. It was my own damn fault, I acknowledge, because I just _had_ to wake up an hour earlier then was necessary to ensure the wild frizziness of my sleep tangled hair was tamed after my shower and that the stupid spots that peppered my cheeks were covered with foundation. To make sure my uniform wasn't crinkled and I could take the time to sharply line my eyes with 'Wonder Witch's' everlasting eyeliner pot. But most of all, I'd woken up extra early to have a moment alone in the bathroom in order to take a capful of the bitter tasting sky-blue potion I kept stored at the bottom of my trunk.

I could tell my friends…I would. Eventually. I know they wouldn't judge me or anything but I just had no desire to have that conversation any time soon.

I could handle it on my own.

"Cassia said he's way hot" I'm brought out of my head by Arline divulging to Mery about the new Defense teacher is.

"Duh, are you guys blind? I noticed he was attractive at dinner the other night"

"Well we don't all have daddy kinks like you, Kayleigh. So no, I hadn't noticed" The kinky haired girl shoots at me, continuing before I could tell her to bugger off "I guess he's Armenian or something and his accents super sexy"

"I love accents, have you guys ever noticed Brandon Flynn has an accent?" Mery's had a crush on Brandon since like, fifth year. I think he's a tosser. Anyone with two eyes and a fucking brain thinks he's a tosser, he likes to walk around with his chest puffed out because his daddy's friends with the Minister. People who think all Hufflepuffs are good natured and friendly have clearly never come in contact with the Brandon Flynn's of the house.

"Mer, that's not an accent it's a lisp" Arline sniggers heavily at my comment and Mery gives me a look drained of humor "And it's probably from sucking on that silver spoon he was born with a little too intensely"

"Hah, I don't think that's all he sucks. Isn't he gay?" Arline questions genuinely and Mery's "No!" is met by my "Probably"

"You guys don't know him-"

"Fuck off, either do you" Mery ignores me and continues "You've never seen his art. It's, like so amazing. And deep and moving. It's like Picasso and Monet had a love child and decided to name him Brandon. And he's actually really interesting to talk to" She's defends him all the way to the classroom and I don't really have the heart to tell her otherwise. Not when her big brown eyes are all dreamy like and her fuchsia pony tail is bouncing behind her. Arline doesn't either, apparently, because we share a look before letting it drop.

Mery and her crushes.

"If you say so, I guess. I still think he sucks dick in his spare time" Arline imparts as enter the classroom, looking for empty seats.

I grin as I see Zeke sitting at one of the two person desks, his bag thrown haphazardly over the seat next to him and start in his direction.

"Hello, sir" I greet buoyantly as I get up to him "This chair taken?"

"Not anymore" Zeke beams and pulls his satchel from the seat, allowing me sit. Mery and Arline take the desk just in front of ours.

I scan the pretty much full classroom. There's Ravenclaws and Gryffindors spread throughout the high ceilinged room. I avoid eye contact the best I can with Daniel, my ex and Kim Baker, his ex who'd he'd decided to get back with after breaking up with me who happen to be in this class with us. Erna's in this class too, chatting with a few fellow Ravenclaws around her. Lily Evans is sitting with Marlene a few desks away from us and she gives me a friendly look as we pass gazes.

I'd talked to the popular Gryffindor a few times. We'd had the same Advanced Potions class for years, but had never really gotten to know each other. She seemed cool enough though.

The "Marauders" are sat a few rows behind us. Remus with Peter and behind them James and Sirius.

Everyone seemed to be here. Everyone except for-

"Where's the professor? Isnt it half past nine?" I look to Zeke, my face scrunched slightly.

"I don't know, I got here early" I quirk an eye brow at him in question but her continues "and he wasn't here then either"

"I just want to see him up close already, I heard he's ho-" Arline's cut off as the weighted classroom door closes with a slam, sending everyone's eyes to the cause of the disruption.

"Goodmorning, class. I'm Professor Tankian" The tall wizard husks, a cheeky smile on his face. "Got your attention, didn't I?" He then proceeds to saunter briskly to the front of the class, his loose dark robes flowing behind him. I don't look away from him the entire time, drinking in his towering frame, his salt and pepper beard and his dark hair that's slicked handsomely back.

"To be in this class, you all have had to score OWL level marks, so I'm going to be straight with you. I'm not going to treat you as children. I'm going to treat you all as able bodied young witches and wizards who will need the skills I'm willing to teach to defend yourselves in this ever changing world. Can you handle that?" Professor Tankian boldly concurs and 'yesses' and nods from echo from around the room.

"Good, then let's get to it"

I look at Zeke with a hesitant grin to which my lanky friend returns a silent dialogue passing between us.

Professor Tankian already seemed bad ass.

"The art of truly mastering defensive spells, charms and incantations lies within being able to push yourself past your comfort zone. Push past that fear and adrenalin and all those other emotions that get cranked up in situations that these spells would most likely be used in. So that's what we're going to start with today" Professor Tankian goes to the chalk board and writes a few letters and then turns back to us as the enchanted piece of chalk continues to scribble behind him.

"I'm sure most of you came in and took a seat next to someone you're familiar with right?" No one really answers him and he just laughs "Come on, you came in and sat down next to your girlfriend, or boyfriend or best friend, right? You two are definitely dating, you haven't stopped making eyes at each other since I came in" he points out a Gryffindor couple good-naturedly and the two seem to blush a bit, especially the boy who discreetly leans away "I'm old but I'm not _that_ old"

There's an echoing round of laughter, at the expense of the two. At the seemingly playful nature of the new professor.

"Well I'm going to have to break you all up" No, I internally sob and look at Zeke with my bottom lip jutting out. "The name of your partner, who will stay your partner until the end of the year is being written on the board. Please come up, find your names, take a seat together and then we'll begin"

"Noooo" I vocalize with a whine as everyone in the classroom gets up and shuffles forward, towards the board to find their names- and the coinciding name next to theirs that would determine their new partner. All year long partner. Fucking fuck.

"This is like one of the only classes we have together, what the fuck" I go on and Zeke, as usual, takes it with a grain of salt and goes with the flow.

"I know, I'm bummed too but at least we still have Divination, come on" he pulls me up by the arm and I grab my black leather back pack and follow him, dragging my heels, being more dramatic than necessary.

Sometimes I hate that positive disposition of his.

We make our way through the small crowd of people who are huddled around the blackboard, inspecting it for their names.

Please, Merlin doesn't let me be forced to spend the whole year partnered up with Daniel. Or Kim, please I'm bargaining with whatever divine spirit there might be in my head as we wait our turn. How fucked up would that be? Having to spend entire class periods with my ex?

The order looks completely random I think as I go down the list of names, no alphabetical order, no certain inter-housial partnering.

Arline was paired with Thomas Vane, a boy from our house.

Mery with Marlene McKinnon.

Erick and Rodney Lancer, a fellow Gryffindor who I knew he wasn't especially close with.

When I get to my name my stomach jumps a little. With excitement or dread I don't know. Maybe shock? Because it was the LAST name I had expected to see next to mine. Externally, I keep that composed face I'd worked so hard all of these years to master. I can feel one of my eye brow raise high though.

Kayleigh Pavenstone- Sirius Black; they were written next to each other in Professor Tankians elegant scroll.

I purse my lips and turn from board. Fucking Professor Tankien. Maybe he wasn't as cool as I thought he was.

"This sucks man" Arline echoes what I feel to me lowly and I give her a sympathetic bump of shoulder.

I knew how awkward the curly headed girl became when she was forced to interact with other human beings when she didn't know then and pouty look on her face said it all.

"I saw you got Black. Lucky"

"Yeah, the luckiest" I respond sarcastically. I guess there were girls in this class that would be more then willing to switch partners with me, I'd seen that little look Donna 'whatever her last name is', a Gryffindor girl had shot me.

"At least he's pretty"

"Hah"

I deadpan as I see Sirius lounging at the same desk he had been before; James' seat now vacant. Had he even bothered to get up and check his name? Or did he just expect his partner to come to him?

"Hey there Pavenstone, we partners?" He answers the question for me as I approach him and I feel a surge of heat. Annoyance. Embarrassment? Why am I embarrassed?

"Yup" I pop the p as I take the seat formerly occupied by James "that we are"

"Cool, better you then someone like Donna. I seriously think that girl was trying to slip me potions last year"

I laugh a little at that, thinking of the longing glare she'd given me.

"Get over yourself; no one would take the time to drug you"

"You'd be surprised, doll"

I roll my eyes at him pointedly.

"Alright, have we all found our counterparts? Good" Professor Tankian stands from his desk "The curriculum for this year centers towards what are going to be in your N.E.W.T.S. That's hard hexing and cursing of all kinds, including the unforgivables. Advanced defensive spells- shielding and repelling- which will lead us into partonus'" I feel a little thrill as the Professor talks and the chalk outlines his words on the board. I'd always been curious about patronus'. Who wasn't? Your energy, your essence leaving your body in a protective beam of light? And hell if you could manage a full bodied one it would take on form! I dig in my pack for my quill and notebook, beginning to jot down notes on what he was saying, like many others were doing. Like I'd remember if I didn't.

Sirius was not one of those people; he just sat, leaning against the back of his chair with his arms folded over his chest, his steely eyes peeled on the Professor in front of us. Like he was absorbing every word, every movement of the man.

"And then we'll round out our year learning about some especially nasty magical creatures and phenomena's" With a flick of his wand, Tankian sends stacks of thick text books through the air, they divide themselves, in two's, to each desk "Turn to page 115, non-lethal hex's. I'm sure you've already learned most of them but just for review"

"He's so cool, I mean other than the fact that he's forcing me to spend entire class periods with Thomas, who keeps trying to talk to me about muggle cars. And he's hot, like dad hot, but still!" Arline's reporting as we're on the edge of the lake. On a hill that faced away from castle and the boat house, giving an air of privacy, of secludedness.

Passing a spliff of Manticore has between us.

There's Zeke, whom I'm leaning against, Arline, Cassia and Mery, Laurel sitting in between the legs of her boyfriend Wyatt and a couple of Zeke's friends, some guys who I wasn't really close with but knew enough and who had happened to bring the hash, were also there. All of us forming a circle.

"I heard he actually does have kids, or like had them. They died or something" Johnny, a Hufflepuff friend of Zeke's who was always selling or smoking hash puffs on the spliff and then passes it to the right, to me.

"Not-ugh, where did you hear that?" I rebuke as I take the rolled joint between my thumb and pointer finger and take a drag. The kid who's not too smart to begin with is always stoned.

"No, really. You can look him up in the library; he's actually a pretty famous guy, even though I'd never heard of him. He's been all over, made a lot of enemies in a lot of different places" I just can't take Johnny seriously though, not with how slowly he's speaking or the way his attention snaps to a ripple on the lake before he's gotten the entire sentence out.

I'd look into it myself.

"You got paired with Thomas? Like Vane?" Laurel laughs, ignoring Johnny's rambling and focusing on what Arline had just said.

"Yes! It's so weird!"

"Why he's a cool guy! He's a damn good Beater" Cassia coughs on smoke as she defends Vane. She sounds appalled. A giggle escapes me and I close my eyes.

"Exactly! all he wants to talk about is things I have no idea about. Like fucking quidditch and 'cars'. Ive never even been in a muggle car!"

"Marlene's cool, she makes me want white hair"

"No, Mer, I love the hair color you have now. Keep it forever" I lament to my metamorphmagus friend. I'd seen her hair all shades of the rainbow "It's my favorite"

"Who'd you get paired with, Kayleigh?" Laurel wonders as she takes a hit from the spliff and then lifts it to Wyatt's lips, aiding him in a way that's both cute and revolting.

"Sirius" It's nonchalant, no big deal.

Why can I feel their eyes on me, so intent and heavily then?

"Really? How's that going?" Cassia's interested, her big brown eyes focused on me, her thinly manicured eye brows raised as she waited for me to reply.

"Good I guess? I don't know. He claims that girl Donna has been trying to slip him love potions"

"How desperate" Cassie clicks, the distain clear on her lovely features.

"Dude, Donna's crazy. I bet she has been trying" Zeke shakes his head.

"Didn't you date her third year?"

"Yeah, that's how I know"

I laugh so hard I'm scared I might have torn a muscle in my stomach. Johnny reassures me that I'm just high.

After dinner, during which I had proceeded to gorge myself on three large pieces of pumpkin pie because I just couldn't get over how the flavors explodes on my tastebuds, I'm sitting perched against my headboard, the room is dimly lite, the only light coming from a couple candles on my nightstand.

The rest of my friends are tucked under their covers, Arline's light wheezing snore fills the air.

And yet here I am, still fully dressed in my uniform and fingering through my charms textbook in an attempt to keep my eyes from growing droopy as I want for midnight to roll around.

"I thought you weren't going to take astronomy this year 'cause it makes you a cranky bitch in the morning" Mery had commented on the train, when she'd looked over my class schedule.

"I couldn't help it, you know it's my favorite"

It was also one of the classes I'd gotten an O in, so I kind of felt the need to continue it, even if staying up until two in the morning did leave me a bit zombie like in the morning. It was worth it.

Looking at my watch I decide that I might as well start making my way to the Astronomy tower. So what if I was twenty minutes late, the walk would perk me up a bit.

I go to the bathroom first, because I knew if I didn't I'd have to go the moment I got there and I really didn't want to climb those steep stairs more than I had to. It's when I'm washing my hands I take a once over at my appearance in the large mirror.

Moss green eyes that sagged a little with bags that for some reason I could never get rid of looked back at me, settled in a tanned heart shaped face framed by defined, high arching eyebrows. I grab my brush(actually, I think it might've been Cassia's) and pull it through the thick, light brown locks, wincing at small snarls I brushed through. Everyone who thought it was "so fun" to have long hair had never brushed through a knot. At least my hair was a lot more disciplined then it had been when I was younger, thanks to heaps Sleakeazy hair potion. The wild, unruly curls had finally started to work with me. Well a little bit, at least, and now fell in long loose waves.

Sometimes I get stuck staring at myself, really observing every detail. I'd learned not to hate myself, was still learning. I didn't hate the double chin I sported or the roundness of my cheeks as much as I once had. I could stand that my lips were almost too big for my face and my nose too wide. Those were things that once upon a time had grated at me, to the point of some pretty scary consequences...

I don't want to think thoughts like that though, so with one final fluff of my hair, I exit the bathroom. Grabbing my backpack and telescope off of my trunk as I pass by my bed, then on to the door and balancing them so that I can grab my wand out of the pocked of my robes.

 _Nox_

A swift flick, and the candles burn out as I exit the room, careful to shut the door softly behind me.

Walking the halls of the castle at night, alone, at one time scared the living fuck out of me, but now was almost serene. Everything's so still(except for the stairs that still unfortunately move) even most of the paintings are sleeping. I hold my wand out in front of me, the end of it light up and illuminating the path in front of me as I amble towards the tower, the click of my heels against the stone floor the only echoing sound in the halls.

I'm just starting to climb the sharp steps that lead up to the tower when I stop in my tracks.

The air feels...electric. Charged and weighted, like something's about to pounce on me and my stomach flops as I realize that I am no longer alone. I clutch my want tightly, mustering some kind of courage within myself and forcing my body to turn round sharply

"Sirius?!" I yelp at him as I jump, I don't know if it's a question or an accusation.

He looks amused, his grey eyes glinting and a half smirk on his lips as he stands a few steps below me.

"Fucking fuck you scared me!" That's definitely an accusation, one to which he barks a little laugh at "What are you doing here?"

I could slap myself for asking that as soon as it comes out of my mouth and he holds up his telescope "Same thing as you, 'suppose. I mean unless you just like to lurk around the castle at night"

"Hah, I'm not the lurker who just snuck up on someone and almost gave them a stroke!" we start up the winding flight, him just behind me.

"In my defense I didn't mean to sneak on you, you're just jumpy" I don't fight him on that one, can't deny it really.

He makes me so uncomfortably aware of myself. Of the way that I walk, of the way my hair and thighs bounce when I walk.

"I didn't know you were into Astronomy" I try to take the edge off of how I feel by talking, Typical me.

I'd never seen him in this class before, but then again I'd never had Astronomy with the Gryfindor's. It was always the Slytherins. I figure now, since there are so few of us who had actually gotten an O.W.L in the subject we'd all just be thrown in the class together.

"Really? I figured the name would give it away"

"You are named after the star, huh? In the Canis Major Constellation?"

"I'd like to think it's named after me" I turn my head for a second to give him a dead pan look at his words but his demeanor, the look smile on his face as he gauges my reaction just makes me purse my lips to keep from smiling back.

"Your dumb" I concur, not looking at him as we get to the top and enter the vast circular room, where about ten or so people already stand. My theory was right, there are a few other Ravenclaws in her, A couple Hufflepuffs, a handful of Slytherin's and only one other Gryffindor. Professor Stands next in the middle of the room, near to the orbiting floor telescope that built into the hardwood beams.

"Come in, take a place wherever you want along the railing and angle your telescopes 36 degrees to the north" Professor Sinstra instructs in her melodic voice

"And you're not very nice, doll" Sirius whispers to me as I find a vacant spot along the railings and begin to assemble my telescope, fidgeting with it to put it into position.

I definitely do not feel a little thrill in my stomach when he begins doing the same in the spot next to mine.

"Thanks for noticing" I chirp back, trying aim all my focus at the inky, star scattered night sky. It's a nice night; only minuscule wisps of clouds taint the otherwise clear skyline. The moon, which is in a waxing crescent phase, illuminates everything in a soft florescent light.

He opens his mouth to say something, something that would have been rude, probably but Professor Sinstra cuts him off.

"Now, can anyone tell me what constellation we're looking at and the major stars that make it up,"

I'm happy he doesn't get to finish.

 _Marina & the Diamonds- Primadonna Girl/ I am the Highway Audioslave/ Little Secrets Passion Pit_


	4. You're a Mencace

It's always a little hard, getting back into the swing of student life at Hogwarts after the long holidays had been her least favorite time of the year since she was younger. I hated the way time seemed to tug, the way I would sell my soul for another couple of hours of sleep in the morning. It would take a few weeks before I was acclimated again, before I was fully functioning.

I was realizing, even after only having had gone to about a half a months' worth of classes, that this year wasn't going to be the cake walk that I'd thought it would be. Having four OWL level classes was kicking my ass, already.

"Enjoy your last year" they'd said. "You'll miss it so much when it's over"

Right now all I missed was sleeping past 7 am.

Sitting in potions, I'm trying desperately not to fall asleep as I almost mechanically handle and prep the ingredients for Volubis Potion we're brewing.

"Two sprigs of mint leaf" my partner, Janice, a decent but somewhat dim-witted Hufflepuff girl instructs me. The first day of class she'd somehow managed to cause our Shrinking Solution to bubble up and emit a vapor that had melted eyebrows.

Let me repeat that. She melted my fucking eyebrows off.

Professor Flitwick and Madam Pomfrey had been able, together, to grow them back pretty easily. Thank Merlin. But ever since then I had put her on book duty, not willing to let her screw up one of the bigger more complex potions and kill us or something.

"No, two sprigs" She tries to correct me from behind the textbook, across the table as I take three leaves in my hand and proceed to rip them into small pieces before tossing them into the cauldron.

"Three will make the honeywater and stewed mandrake bond better" I reassure, a little offended at her wary look. I hadn't burned off her eyebrows!

When the potion begins to bubble a shade of terra cotta she smiles, the previous doubtful expression wiping off her face and one of impressment left in its place and I silently gloat and try to keep a shit eating grin at bay.

"Wow, how'd you learn that?" She implores, leaning her head way forward and almost into the pot. I reach out and push her lightly back by the forehead with my pointer finger.

"Be careful, if you breathe too much of this stuff in it'll knock you out for hours" I advise with a small laugh "And I don't know, I've always just been fond of potions, I guess. So I learn as much about it as I can"

That was only half of the truth. I think back to the open kitchen of my childhood home, cupboards lined with various herbs and spices.

" _Always make sure to add double herbs when you're dealing with mandrake. The roots need something to stick to in the pot, they won't dissolve right if not"_ the _woman's sing song voice had told a seven year old me as I sat on the counter and watched her hustle around the room, picking up little ingredients everywhere she went and tossing them into a cauldron with lithe movements, an ease in her actions that was almost hypnotic to watch. And watch I did. I remember watching her for hours, enthralled in her movements, in the way the vat would change colors and bubble. Handing her vials and bottles when she'd asked for them_

" _Want to help me stir the pot?"_

"That's awesome. I've always been kind of rubbish at potions, but I'm good with plants. I think that's the only reason I'm in this class…If not I really have no idea how I got an E in this class" Janice confesses honestly and bite on a grin.

"Well I'll help you out as much as I can, and you can help me with Herbology because I can't even keep weeds alive"

"Good job girls!" Professor Slughorn acclaims as he passes our table "look, look class. This is the exact shade of pink you're going to the liquid to take on. Just brilliant" fellow classmates take peeks over at our cauldron, wondering why their own potions still looked something like molasses. Three mint leaves instead of three, you guys I want to say, but I greedily keep that information to myself.

"I don't think I've ever seen a vat of Volubis brewed that fast, Ms. Pavenstone, It's very impressive" the professor claps my shoulder lightly and I feel a little flustered, that familiar odd, confusing, little feeling I got when people stood too close or said 'too' nice of things.

"Thank you, Professor"

"I do hope we'll be seeing you the club meeting on Sunday" And even though I could think of about a million things I'd rather do then waste a Sunday evening with the pretentious group of prats that attended Slug Club meetings, the hopeful look on his wrinkled face makes me feel like I just can't say no.

"Of course, sir"

"Good, I'll be looking forward to seeing you there" And its only when he's turned his back to I allow the smile to fall off of my face.

Defense is like a fresh breath of air the next day. When we walk into classroom 3b, its void of all desks and chairs and is one big open space, Professor Tankian sits waiting on his desk for all of the students to shuffle in and fill the empty space.

I'm standing with Arline and Thomas, my arms folded across my chest as I listen to Thomas question her about the upcoming quidditch tryouts.

"I don't really know, I'm sorry"

"But you guys are like best friends with Cassia, right?" He looks to both of us and I force a smile (that mostly resembles a grimace) before looking away dismissively. He's not my partner, I'm not about to deal with quidditch babble bullshit from anyone I don't have to.

Speaking of partners, Sirius hadn't decided to grace us with his presence yet and the classroom is just about full, students brimming and standing in large groups. Glancing at the clock, I see its 9:28. If he doesn't hurry his ass up he was going to be late.

"No, Thomas. I really don't know what time she's planning to start. You could ask her though, since you know, she's _YOUR Captain-"_

Watching Arline becoming increasingly more irritated with Thomas is too amusing and I don't notice the wizard that's walked up behind me until he's right beside me, our shoulders nearly touching, his own arms folded over his chest.

I can't tell if he's mocking me or not.

"Hello partner" Sirius rings and I look up at him as he shoots a grin down at me.

The height difference between is almost ridiculous. I'm a bit used to it though, I hadn't met many people shorter than me.

Over the last couple weeks of spending an hour with him, every other day (not to mention the time spent in other classes I had with him) he'd developed a liking for sneaking up on me. And not in a "boo", spooking kind of way. But more like he'd just suddenly appear next to me without announcing himself. It still hadn't ceased to cause me to jump every time he did it.

"Hello. Sir" A mirthful look passes over his features at me calling him 'sir'.

Actually, I catch him surveying me with amusement a lot of the time, I've noticed. Is he making fun of me silently? I wonder.

He looks at almost everything like that, though, so I figure I shouldn't take it personally.

"Alright class. Today we're going to be doing some non-verbal dueling, practicing the shielding spells that we've learnt about over the last week.

Is anyone in here in the dueling club? Good, then you'll know what to do; stand opposite your partner and get your wands out and ready"

I'm assuming Professor Tankian must have cast an extending enchantment on the class room because everyone seems to spread out comfortably, with enough space between each pair that there would be little worry of ricocheting spells.

Which is lucky because I remember Daniel having shit aim.

"The person on the right; you're going to disarm your partner. And I mean really disarm them, no half arsing it, and then you'll switch off" Professor Tankian liked to swear and had so frequently during his classes. He'd catch himself sometimes and apologize, but mostly I think it helped him integrate himself with us. Well with me at least because I could hardly open my mouth without a slew of curses coming out.

"Wands up"

Sirius gives me a showy bow before bringing his wand up and I snort. Those aristocratic family roots we're front and center, in the way that he dipped lowly, gracefully but also completely contradicted with that wry, playful smile that made his features look boyish and younger somehow.

Extending my wand steadily, I start mentally reciting the shielding spells we'd been reciting.

It's not that I sucked completely at defensive spells- it was just that I had never been particularly good at thinking on my feet. At fast responses in stressful situations. How was I supposed to make decisions that fast when it took me ages just to decide what to put on my toast every morning?

One of Sirius' brows crooks a little, gunmetal eyes wordlessly implying for me to get ready.

 _Bring it_

Another one of those smiles of his.

"And-Start"

The classroom, then, is in ordered, wordless, chaos, the sounds of clinging spells loud and ringing in my ears as the first of Sirius' spells collides with the shield that I had made just a second before it could hit me.

Another hit to the shield, and then another and _oh shit_ Sirius is fast, he's rolling his wrist with a steady agility that I just didn't possess.

It's when I try that one double shielding charm that I knew I'd fucked up. It'd looked tough, even on the pages of the textbook, and I can't manage to get the second part of the wand work down before Sirius' hex hits me in the arm, sending me back a couple steps and causing my fingers to snap open, as if from their own accord and my wand to fly through the air, and into his awaiting hand.

"Fucker" I accuse, not malicious at all. Actually I'm a little impressed, though not surprised, that he'd manage to disarm me in less than thirty seconds.

"Don't be a sore loser, doll" He tosses me my wand and I barley catch it, he sniggers at my affliction. "That actually pretty was ballsy, that geminius shield you tried is difficult as shit"

"Mmhmm, wand up, Black" I insist and he smirks with a slight nod of his head and then were at wand point once again.

 _Expelliarmus!_

 _Ultibranchium!_

 _Accipere!_

 _Impetu!_

It's only when I combine the movements of the Impetu and Accipere charms, with the forceful intent, the slight frustration and sheer need I had to wipe that smile off of his face because he was having sooo much fun deflecting each magical blow I sent his way, did the translucent violet toned shield he'd been protecting himself with falter.

 _Expelliarmus_ I wordlessly cast at him again, but more aggressively. A little too aggressively because his wand flings out of his hand and across the classroom.

We both watch the arch it makes as it soars through the air.

"Argh-Ouch" Peter furiously rubs the side of his head where Sirius wand has smacked him-hard. Lily, his partner, stops her assault on his shield and goes to him, questioning if he was okay or not.

"Oh, Peter I'm so sorry" I apologize; the hysterical laughter in my throat makes me cover my mouth with both hands as I look at the blond boy apologetically.

I had always had a problem with laughing at the most inappropriate moments, and now is no exception.

Sirius is outright cracking up as he goes to retrieve his wand, clapping Peter on the shoulder and telling him something I can't hear before returning back to our corner.

"I'm sorry!" I call once more to Peter and he gives a wave of his arm and an "It's alright"

I feel so bloody bad.

"Damn, Pavenstone. You're a menace" Sirius barks "You almost took his eye out"

"I didn't mean to-stop laughing at me" I cry. But honestly I can't control my own giggles shaking my shoulders. "He's going to hate me forever now"

"Peter? Nah, he's not like that" He shakes his head. "You like to try 'an cast spells you have no idea how to do, huh?"

"No"

"Really? Because that combo you pulled on me was crazy, and I could tell you didn't know what you were doing" His tone is accusatory, but his eyes are curious.

"I knew what I was doing" Sirius' gaze is disbelieving. Vexing even and a flare of pride licks my belly "Mostly"

"Mostly" He snorts to himself as he gets back into position "Try not to permenatley blind me, right?"

"Ha-Ha"

It's the funnest time I've had in class since term started, even when Sirius accidentally hits my left leg with a stunning spell and knocks me on my ass. I can't wipe the smile off of my face the entire period. My mood doesn't even damper Proffesor Tankian assigns us twelve inches of homework on what we already know and the origins of unforgivable curses.

"So we should get together sometime this weekend-to study I mean" I feel a little stupid as I request it, which I try to hide, but he looks relaxed about the statement, nonchalant.

"Yeah, just tell me when you're free"

I can see the appeal, I really can. Why he'd had the flocks of girlfriends he'd had over the years. He's a lot less…"mysterious" as I'd once believed him to be. I mean I'm not going to even try and pretend I knew him, not even a little bit, but he made me laugh.

But then again I could laugh at just about anything.

"I'll let you know, see you later" I wave goodbye as I follow Zeke out of the classroom, and James joins Sirius in my place.

"You looked like you were having fun" Zeke comments as we click down the spiraling staircase, towards the main hall.

"Yeah-I nailed poor Peter in the head" I giggle and pout my lips at the thought of the kid rubbing his head.

"I swear you're a menace to society" Arline chirps from behind us, echoing Sirius' earlier words "I don't think I've ever met someone who was as natural a fuck up as you"

"Hey!" I protested. I would have been offended had I not known Arline and her sharp tongue.

"Daniel almost sent Kim straight across the room. It bad, she was so pissed off" Zeke chuckles as he tells me this and I just shake my head.

Daniel wasn't all bad, I remember our first date. He'd taken me to Honeydukes and we'd eaten so much candy from that I'd almost thrown up and he'd promised he'd hold my hair if he did. Speaking of Honeydukes-

"Isn't the first trip to Hogsmeade next weekend" I remember, feeling a little excited.

"Yeah it is" Mer assures "I can't wait; Edmund asked me if I wanted to go get a cuppa with him"

"I thought you were all obsessed with Brandon?" I note. Just a few weeks ago she was demanding I not call him a piece of crap.

"I am"

I scrunch my nose, in an attempt to understand her logic, her motive. Was she trying to make Brandon jealous? Because I doubt her even knew who Edmund, a quiet guy in our house, was. I end up just shrugging it off. Mery never really had motives. That just wasn't her way

"Whatever, I like Edmund more then I like Brandon" I conclude.

"He always buys me whatever I want from all the shops in town" Mery gloats a bit, as though that was a sold reason to be going on a date with the boy.

I couldn't deny that I wouldn't mind being spoiled, and would go on a date with someone to be so.

"Lucky you"

"You're such a little tart, Mery" Arline speculates

"Let her live her life" I defend the vivid pink haired girl and Zeke listens to it all with a hidden smile and eyes that almost scream "girls are fucking nuts".

At dinner, I bribe my little sister, Alissa to sit with me at the Ravenclaw table instead of with her boyfriend and group of friends at the Hufflepuff's.

"I'll let you borrow those ankle boots you like so much" I'd tempted and she'd looked conflicted.

"For as long as I want?"

And that's how I got her to sit across from me. Not out of sisterly love, but because she'd been stealing those boots since I'd got them and I knew how much she wanted them.

"Am I that awful to hang out with? I must be such a drag" I sound whiny and dramatic, even to my own ears.

"No, it's just harder to spend time together when we're at school, you know that"

"Why though? We can have dinner with each other every night" She frowns at the idea "Or at least lunch!"

"Don't you want to sit with your friends?"

"Yes, but I can sit with them whenever. I'd like to spend some time with you once and a while"

"Kayleigh, we spent all afternoon together in the library yesterday, what are you talking about"

"I don't know, I guess you're right. At least you actually talk to me- Sera avoids me like the fucking plague" My youngest sister, Seraphina, REFUSED to spend time with me. I didn't know why, she just wouldn't.

I mean I understood the whole age gap thing; she's a second year Gryffindor and just wanted to go hang out with her friends and not have her embracing older sister around, but still. It hurt my feelings a bit.

"You know Sera, she doesn't like hanging out with any of the family, that's just how she is"

"Bullshit, I saw you guys in the courtyard the other day" I stab at my mashed potatoes with a frown.

"Okay, you can't get mad at me if I tell you this" I give her a look, urging her on "You have this tendency to mum her"

"I'm her older sister, I have the right!"

"Well that's why she doesn't like to hang out with you so there. And especially now…" Alissa trails off and I know what she doesn't want to say.

Especially now, when we don't have a mother anymore.

"Just try and be a little more mellow with her" I asses my little sister. Her curtain of wild curls, the same curls I'd had until I'd potioned them. The same curls our mom had. Her big mahogany eyes that swim with an understanding of people that most fourteen year olds couldn't even fathom.

She'd always acted as the little, big, sister. Younger than me, but somehow wiser.

"You're right"

"I'm aware" there's that Pavenstone smartassness that causes a swell of longing and homesickness to wrack through me.

I think I'll write back home tonight.

 _Flume-Test and Recognize/ Odesza-My Friends Never Die/ Kings Of Leon-Radioactive_


	5. Ice Cream Sundaes and Goblin Strippers

The amount of things that I'd rather be doing then going to this Slug Club meeting was countless. My slaggy friends we're having a 'study date'(aka they we're all getting completely sloshed from Laurel's bottom-less flask) in the library and I was stuck. Trudging my way down to the dungeons.

Fucking fuck.

The heels of the knee high, faux dragon leather boots I wore clicked against the stone floor as I went to the doorway of Professor Slughorn's office. My hearts pounding and I feel a bit shaky. That familiar anxiousness bubbling in my stomach. It literally takes a mental pep talk for me to push myself into the room.

 _You can do this. Don't be so socially retarded- just go inside and get this over with._

When I finally coheres my feet into carrying me into the room, I force my head high. Force what im feeling as deep down as I can, force my hands not to fist up.

Of course, as usual, I was late. And the circular table was all but full. Slughorn, who was decked out in mustard yellow robes, was going on about the recent World cup and my intro into the room had interrupted his speech like sentence. Many pairs of eyes turn to me and I bite the inside of my bottom lip.

Tons of Slytherins, obviously. Professor Slughorn w _as_ the head of their house. A peppering of students from the other houses, I scan their faces a bit awkwardly in an attempt to find somewhere to sit.

"Ms. Pavenstone, I'm so pleased that you made it" Professor Slughorn croons and the smile that stretches across my teeth almost hurts "Sit, Sit!"

So I do just that, in the seat that seems the least impending.

Right next to Lily Evans.

"Hey" The red head greets lowly I went to take the seat. Everything about her is welcoming, no hesitance. We didn't know each other well, but I got the sense that that was just Lily's natural disposition.

"Hi" I sit down, adjusting myself in the wooden chair "What did I miss?"

"Loads" She teases in a whisper "The Macmillians betted ten thousand galleons on the Scots this year. Prats"

I snort and roll my eyes. Of course they did. The Macmillians we're a part of the oh so holy 'Sacred Twenty-Eight'.

They shat money.

"The best part of it is that they lost said ten thousand galleons" The boy with curly dark hair, on the other side of Lily added in. I recognized him as Edgar Bones, a Gryffindor from our year. "Any one with half of a brain knew that the Egyptians were going to wipe the pitch with the Scotsmen this year"

"You'd think with that much money they could have bought themselves a quidditch manual. Hells, they could have bought the entire Egyptian team and asked them politely to lose" I shake my head.

"Right?" Edgar laughs "Thelonious senior- senior or whatever should have been like 'excuse me sirs, but I'm going to have to ask you to bunk this game. If not I'll purchase your entire country and build a bank on it- well a bank with a secret goblin strip club in the basement because we've all heard the rumors about what that family likes to do in their free time"

Lily chokes on a giggle and I can't help but break into full cackles at that. Oh fuck no. Although our whole conversation had been in whispers, the laughing definitely earns us looks.

"Whats so funny you three? Care to share?" Professor Slughorn looks genuinely interested and I'd love to see the look on his face if one of us was to reply 'Goblin strippers'.

I'd love it, but I knew the poor man would probably give himself a hernia, so instead I answer, smoothly.

"Just about some new joke cards Zonko's is supposed to have gotten"

"Oh, that sounds delightful! I do love a good joke, it's the first trip to Hogsmeade next weekend, isn't it? I'll have to stop in and see them for myself" Slughorn's excited. Or at least he sounds that way, you can never really tell with that man.

"Be careful professor, they are a bit naughty" Edgar's lazy tone makes me clench my teeth to keep from laughing again.

Cheeky fucker.

Professor Slughorns slight uncomfortableness is broken by the sudden appearance of ice cream Sundays on the table. Towering and multicolored. Covered in hot fudge and whipped topping and sprinkles. Enough to make the child in you screech.

Between spoonful's of the no melt ice cream and jokes with Lily and Edgar; I decided spending every other Sunday with the Slug Club might not be so bad after all.

* * *

"You never told me when you were free" I'm sitting in the library, surrounded by books at one of the small one-person tables in the back corner the next day when a silky voice interrupts me.

It never fails, I jump in my seat.

"Merlin- fucking damn it" I hiss at him as I turn to glare at him. "Sirius!"

His straight, pearly teeth are exposed as he smiles.

Annoying.

"Well you didn't, and now we're going to fail DADA"

"Oh don't be so dramatic" I roll my eyes "We're not going to fail, it's twelve inches on the origins of unforgivable. It's hardly Greek runes"

"Still, you didn't come find me and tell me when you we're free" by now, he's pulled one of the wooden stools from another table and placed it close to mine. His lanky limbs look awkward as he plops down. "I waited too. I feel stood up"

"Because I haven't had any free time" I'm not going to take my frustrations out on him, or at least that's what I tell myself. I stupidly had agreed to be Madam Lenora's student assistant for the rest of the year and on top of the homework I already had, I was helping her grade third year tarot card reading essays.

My head had been spinning for the last couple of days, going a mile a minute.

"I can see that" He looks over the cluttered desk "want to take a break?"

"Want to? Yes? Can I? No"

"Why not? I think you need one" He points out, leaning his elbows against the oak of the table. Our arms almost touch.

"Because I have a ton of homework to do, and I have to grade these stupid papers for Madam Lenora. I swear, third years are getting more and more thick. I seriously worry about the future of our society because imagine if one of these kids who doesn't know the difference between the four of wands and the four of cups became minister? We'd all be fucked" I only realize I'm ranting when I finally stop.

Sirius is patient, his grey eyes amused, but silent none the less.

I appreciate it.

He reaches over and takes my quill from my hand, putting it on the table away from me.

"It looked like you were going to stab me with it" He explains jokingly and I let out a breath- a chuckle. "It's too early in the year for you to be this stressed, Pavenstone. You should save that for NEWTS"

I guess…he was right. I really was letting things get too tangled in my head, and we all know what could happen if I really let things get out of hand…

* * *

And that's how I ended up by the black lake. Sirius had managed to talk me into that brake, compromising with "We'll get our defense homework done out there. I just think you need some fresh air"

Fresh air meant sitting underneath one of the many trees that lined the grassy area just before the stony beach of the lake. I lean against the trunk of the tree- my legs folded Indian style. I pat my skirt down so that I don't give Sirius a peep show.

He sits opposite me, all flayed out. Long legs stretched out, leaning back on his arms.

It's almost relaxing. Almost.

"So…do you have any hash?" I question him and his returning smile is quite devilish.

We smoke it out of a pipe, one that Sirius had taken out of pocket in his book bag. For how tiny the bowl of the pipe was, he manages to shove a decent amount of dragon fire hash into it. It must have had an extension enchantment on it or something.

It only takes a couple puffs for my body to relax into jelly, for my muscles to un-tense and for my brain to go into that delicious fog.

A couple more and I'm high as a golden snidget.

Giggling at everything and nothing because life's in Technicolor now, the edges are blurred out.

I hate edges. Endings. Sharp points that hurt.

Reality hurt. So badly- so what if I loved getting away from it?

I love this seemingly never ending table top of bliss me and Sirius have lifted ourselves on to.

Sirius is a talkative one when he's high- but so am I. So we talk, about everything.

I don't know if I've ever talked so much, my jaw almost hurts from the constant bubbling stream of conversation that had poured from my lips.

From past drunken stories with my friends that I would have been too mortified to tell him had I been totally in my right mind to my love of Divination and why I'm torturing myself with becoming a teacher's assistant for the year to- he's a Scorpio and it makes so much fucking sense.

And laughing.

And laughing,

And laughing.

So hard that I tell him he has to stop because "I can't breathe you ass, stop!"

It's not until the hash has loosened its hold on my brain a little do I notice that Sirius really doesn't talk about himself much. His friends? Yes. Embarrassing stories of the Marauders; ones I'm sure they'd not be too happy with him telling me, check. But it kind of stays there.

He's keen to ask me about everything under the sun though and what almost freaks me out is that he actually seems interested, I keep looking down him, expecting to see him un-interested with what I'm saying but he just looks…content. That usual spark of amusement in his eye.

He's taken off his robes and has them bunched up, using them as a pillow as he lie next to me. My own legs, though far shorter than his, are extended and crossed at the ankle.

Nothing can stay peachy and animated forever. Especially not with the ever growing dark cloud that seemed to be always present.

"Yeah, that's my sister" I beam as he tells me what Sera was one of the biggest smart asses he'd ever met, that she gave James a run for his money during Gryffindor quidditch practices. "She's a good kid, she really is. She's just a little…off"

I quirk my lips, trying to think of a way to word it. She's sad? But my family doesn't believe in crying? No…I couldn't say that.

"Yeah, it's understandable" And with those simple words, I knew Sirius knew. Knew what I had no desire to discuss at the present time "Seems like the whole world is off these days"

"Because it is" I say matter of factly, and he looks at me a bit curiously so I go on. "Everybody's lost their damn minds. And we're all pretending like its okay but it's not"

"It's easier for people that way" His voice that had been nothing but silky smooth took on a bitter edge "To pretend. It's been passed down through years of inbreeding"

"It's bullshit is what it is. Bull shit bigotry. People with small minds that don't have the capacity to understanding evolvement… Might have something to do with that inbreeding"

Sirius barks out a laugh and shakes his head. He lights up again, but this time it's a cigarette.

"The most fucked up part of it all is that the people who can handle this- the ministry? They're made up pure-bred maniacs and wizards who are too scared to stand up to them, and the longer they keep letting this shit go the worse it's going to get"

I get the feeling this whole thing really hits home for him. Pure blood maniacs? Aka his family.

I had been more than glad when Bellatrix had graduated years back. Scariest bitch I'd ever met. Nastiest too- there was nothing pleasant about that girl.

And if the rumors we're true- that went for the entire Black family. Save Sirius.

Sirius with his long hair and leather jackets. Sirius who proudly boasted about being a Gryffindor.

"Not all wizards in the ministry are like that. My uncle works there- and he's one of the most ballsy people I've ever met"

"We need more people like your uncle then" Sirius takes a long drag of the cig "They need to ban together. All of them…all of us"

"Like a resistance" I chirp. Because I'd been thinking about it a lot. Looking at Mery and vowing it.

I could fight? Couldn't I? Couldn't we all, if it came down to it?

"Theres two kinds of evil in this world. People who do evil things and people who see evil things being done and do nothing" Sirius doesn't break eye contact with me as he says it and I feel thrills, so intense in my middle that I have to look away.

I have to see something other than those pools of gray. Refresh my thoughts, you know?

I look down at the watch on my wrist and hiss out a "shiiiiiiit'

The walk back up to the castle was a bit of a hike, and I had to be in my History of Magik class in twenty.

"You're a terrible influence, Sirius" I accuse, my voice taking on a false haughty tone as I give him a mischievous look that he of course returns.

"I can't deny that one, doll-"

"Why do you call me that?" I laugh as I shrug on my robes and stand up, testing my jelly legs.

"It fits you" His silk soft voice runs over me and I can almost feel his words on my skin "I think"

"Oh yeah? Whatever" I roll my eyes and fluff my hair, and sprits on a tiny sprits of the perfume vile I kept at the bottom of my backpack "I bet you call all the girls that."

"Mmm, maybe. Here, I'll walk you back to the castle" He stands up too fast and his gangly legs go unsteady for a moment and I snort reaching out to help steady him. If he's embraced about almost falling over himself he doesn't show it, just laughs good heartedly at his own mishap.

"You mean I'll walk you?" I tease "its okay, you don't have to"

"Nope. I am"

"Siriu-"

"Come on, milady'. No time to waste if we want to get you to Magikal Politics on time" He offers me his elbow in a dramatic, old money type of way. I'm tempted to take it, I really am but I imagine that first night back at Hogwarts, a few weeks ago.

 _Black checks out everything that walks_

I roll my eyes and pat his shoulder, in an almost "you wish" fashion and walk ahead of him. I can feel him staring holes into the back of my head and I'm happy that I'd straitened it to pin straight perfection. Gave him something pretty to look at as I walked away.

 ** _Sweet Ophelia-Zella Day /What so Not-Adieu/Wyatt-Attention_**

 _ **It's been so long since I've updated this story. I'm so sorry you guys! I still have a huge place in my heart for this one and I think I was just sad at the lack of response it got. But Sirius is my baby, and I'm going to continue on with it.**_


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